Skate Fast! Thrash Fast!

Useless Wooden Toys hail from Mpls, MN. and play some raging, duel vocal hardcore thrash/smith grind about skating, moshing, and not taking shit so damn seriously all the fucking time. Disrobe are from Chicago. They share members with the Rat Bastards, and sound fairly similar, only faster. I'm just not in the mood for a proper write-up at the moment, so just DL this already.

DAGGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (DL)

(Sadly, Chris Johnson, one of the vocalists from UWT was killed one year and a week ago today at a party by some rotten piece of shit. Even though I didn't know him that well, I can honestly say that this was a tremendous loss. My heart goes out to Ryan, Steve, Cookie, and Chris. Thanks for playing in my basement way back when, and I hope you guys continue to skate and thrash with a fervor as yet unknown.)

Fed up.

I went to the skatepark in East Los yesterday, and really tried to give her, but damn was it crowded. Towards the end, I crashed up with some little kid and we both went flailing through the air. Then some dude got in my face, telling me not to skate so fast, because of all the children. Fuck? Anyway, I was inspired by the experience, and I now present to you my list of Universal Skatepark rules. These rules should be violently enforced, and no exceptions shall be made.
1. No bikes, blades, scooters, snakeboards, Heelies, soccer balls, basketballs, tennis balls, or any hybrid thereof. Skateboards only.
2. No buttboarding, kneeboarding, or ghostriding/kicking skateboards out willy-nilly.
3. No tea parties on the ramps. Do not stand or sit in the middle of the park, i.e.: on the pyramid, in the bowl, in the ride-up areas.
4. If you are not riding a skateboard, go sit in the spectator area. If you are a little girl carrying a puppy, you have no business in the skatepark proper.
5. Do not practice flatground, or play S.K.A.T.E. in the ride up areas. There is plenty of flatground in the parking lot, or pretty much anywhere else you go. So go work on your shitty flip tricks somewhere away from the roll-in.
6. Do not spill or slobber your sticky food and drinks in the park. Seriously.
7. Stop painting and scribbling your shitty attempts at graffiti on the park. Go look at some real burners, and then ask yourself if your skills are even close. If not, quit uglying up the landscape.
8. Look around you. Before you drop in, take a look around the park and be aware of people dropping in from other directions.

I'm sure I could come up with a few more, but these are dead simple, and should be understood by anyone. Maybe we can get these in people's heads, and then we don't have to think of them as rules anymore. They will just be common sense. Beat kids.

It could of been you...

I was going to post Crispin Glover's album, but it looks like I'm not the only one who's been watching the River's Edge. So check out this post over here for some true weirdness. While you're over there, check out what he's got to offer, there's lots of good stuff. I didn't really have a back-up post, and really, you guys need to get caught up. Nobody's even touched the Worst Case Scenario or the Covered Up Comp., yet. So, I'm just gonna give you some random shit I scanned in. Suck.

Pre-Snuggle Bandit:


A Beautiful Man, doing his business:


???:


Streetlight Records Autograph Sesh. Only ten people showed up.:

Before They Were Stars

I thought I'd share this interview and an ad from before Jason was an actor. Along with pushing forward street skating, Jason has always come across as a charming and funny guy. If you didn't know, a couple of years ago, Chris and Jason resurrected Stereo Skateboards, and he's back on the board. This is a pretty insightful interview about a pretty turbulent time in skating. [I decided not to color correct this in Photoshop, I kinda like the aged, sepia toned look.]

I Can Almost Take It Back...

I'm pretty sure that, out of the handful of people that read this, at least a couple of you skate. So, if you do, and you've seen Flip "Sorry", you'll recognize Gray Matter. Ali Bouala and Geoff Rowley's parts are to the tracks "Burn No Bridges" and "I Am The Walrus", respectively. After I got that DVD, I rushed over to my local record shop (Extreme Noise in Mpls, at the time)and picked up this CD. Fairly straight forward punk rock, just a bit cleaner than some of the other Dischord bands of the era. Standout tracks include "Caffeine Blues", "Oscar's Eye", and my favorite from this disc, "Take It Back". "Head" clocking in at over 7min. is pretty good as well, it starts mid-paced and has an extended 'jam' type section in the middle. Enjoy.


Here it is

I Wanna Pass Notes With You...

When I first met Jennie, five years ago, I told her that I had a crush on her and that I wanted to write her name on my shoe. This childish tactic worked better than I could have possibly imagined. So, I would like to say thank you to Todd Congelliere, and the other charming lads in F.Y.P., or Five Year Plan for reminding me that "The word mature is a synonym for chickenshit." Often, when the responsibilities of my adult life become overwhelming, I like to turn for the sugar-hyped, spastic punk rock of F.Y.P.'s "Dance My Dunce" CD. If I remember correctly, I bought it at one of their shows in Cupertino, around '94. I think it cost me all of $5, and was one of the first three CD's I owned. I've bought a couple of their other releases, but Dance My Dunce remains my favorite, to this day. The album is filled with songs of pre-adolescent rebellion, from the opening shout of "Shut your fucking mouth!" (Dum Cos I Said So), D.M.D. seldom relents in its assault on all things adult. "Ian Stuart As A Crash Dummy" stands out as one of my favorite thrash songs, with comedic lyrics about the death of the Skrewdriver frontman, who was decapitated (according to some accounts) in an auto accident. You even get some Xylophone in the mix on a couple of tracks. So rad. So call in sick to your stupid job and spend the day skating and shouting to the tunes of F.Y.P.. Speaking of Skating, you can find some cool clips of Todd himself, who was a unique pro skater for years. Also, if you haven't heard them, some of the boys went on to form Toys That Kill, one of the best bands to see live, ever. And, support Recess Records, they are cheap and wonderful, a rare combination.


I Don't Wanna Sit Next To You! (DL)

The Return

Alright, I'm back in town. I had some important family business to attend to, but things are back to normal. Good news: I got my scanner running again, so you can expect nice album art scans, and a lot of other crap. Like this here comic:



I started this series of comics a couple years ago, but never really tried to do anything with them. Most of 'em are far to offensive to be published anywhere, but you'll find that out soon enough. I'll also add pictures to the posts, for context. Oh, and I've got a bunch of ads from old skate magazines, as well. Like this:


I actually had that board, I remember it being a slick bottom. I am also a crappy artist, and I'll put up drawings occasionally. Anyway, it's good to be home.

We got violence!

I 'discovered' punk rock when I was eight years old. I had been skating for a couple years already, and if you recall, board graphics were pretty much uniform in design. Skulls, skulls, and more skulls. (Check out Sean Clivers' book, "Disposable" for the insider's history of skateboard graphics, it rules). My first deck was a Powell Peralta, Mike McGill, with the VCJ skull and snake. Well, actually, my first board was an Alva, which I stole from some kid down the street, and spray painted/stenciled a Batman logo on. (Sorry, Jesse Goodyear). But, the first board I got at a shop was the McGill. Point being, my family soon realized that anytime they were obligated to buy anything for me, it only needed to have a skull on it, and I would think it was 'radical'. My mom had a similar affinity for morbid imagery, and had bought herself a Misfits - "Die, Die, my Darling" Tee. Which I received as a hand-me-down in '88. Curious as to what the Misfits were all about, I bought the "Legacy of Brutality" cassette. It was awesome! A few years would pass, and I would pick up a couple of other punk tapes, as well as the usual crap that's marketed to kids. Yeah, I had the "Can't Touch This" single. Yup, I liked Vanilla Ice. Uh-huh, I wanted to be in the Beastie Boys.



By '94, though, I had restricted my musical tastes to Punk and Metal. Mostly the former, as I learned that if I liked the latter, I couldn't be "punk". Headbangers, Dirtheads, and Hessians were to be ridiculed, and if your hair was past your chin, you couldn't be in the Maximum RNR-Fun time-Circle of Punx. It would be a long time before I realized what a load of shit I was falling for, but little kids are dumb, and eager to fit in. Even if it means trying your hardest not to fit in. So, yeah, 1994. I discovered Mail-Order. There was a catalog from Subterranean Records, out of San Francisco, and they had everything punk/thrash/HC/surf under the sun. I ordered about six records the first time. One of them remains a favorite to this day: Apocalypse Hoboken's "Jerk Lessons", 10".

If you don't know, Apocalypse Hoboken were from Chicago, and apparently played about a million shows at the Fireside Bowl. Me, I missed all of them. I was here, on the left coast, never venturing east of the Rockies. They released a handful of albums, and a bunch of E.P.'s and 7"s. Many of the singles and E.P.'s were collected on CD, and they released a four-disc box set in 2004, in a limited quantity, only available through the band. Oh, how I have tried to track down that box set. The thing is, I have never met anyone who has heard of this band. Not in person. I don't think they really had any fanbase outside of Illinois. Why? Beats me, because I fucking love these guys. Perhaps its due to Todd Pot's love 'em, or hate 'em, snotty vocals. Maybe it's because they took some chances, and expanded their sound throughout the years. Maybe it's just that people like me haven't tried hard enough to spread the word. I've chosen to post the "Now Is Not a Good Time", 10". Why? Because no one else has. Finding this album is damn near impossible. It's not my favorite release (that would be "Easy Instructions For Complex Machinery"), but it does have one of my all-time favorite songs, "You're Momma's a Time-Bomb". Enjoy it, because if you don't, I don't think we can be friends anymore.




"She's a woman now, and its breaking my heart" [re-upped 06/10/10]