"Bloated on Mammalian Flesh"

IllCon Illuminati. This 6 song Apocryphon disc was discovered in a cave located outside modern day Afghanistan by Ancient Astronaut Theorist, Giorgio A. Tsoukalos. Nearby were a pile of post-Cretaceous period fossils and humanoid remains. Tsoukalos has speculated that "The demented tones contained within this recording were probably made by aliens, maybe. It definitely is advanced technology, and the square shape of the wooden container leads me to believe that it was manufactured by extra-terrestrials, because aliens like four sided things. Like the pyramids. Totally aliens. Probably." Other "experts"

Expert.

have agreed that the guitar-shreddery is definitely super-human, and the vocals far too disgusting to be created by human vocal organs. The thunderous cacophony of the drums call to mind the hideous rites performed by the Tcho-tcho peoples, as captured in field recordings by noted Occult Scientist, Obed Marsh (RIP). [Also, there is some killer bass playing. However, this is a metal record, so we're just gonna ignore it. - Ed.] According to legend, the Tcho-tchos descended from a race of dwarfs known as the Miri Nigri, who in turn were created from the flesh of prehistoric reptiles. The Tcho-tchos indulged in an unknown hallucinogenic compound during their worship of the Great Old One, Hastur. Ceremonies involved orgiastic frenzy and human and animal sacrifices. Expert Theorists have speculated that Apocryphon was one such cult of The Unspeakable One. To listen to this recording may cause one to become possessed by Hastur. In that event, one's bones become gelatinous, the skin turns to scales, and they will become the embodiment of entropy. I highly recommend it.

Mortals bow before your masters (DL)

Give them some money for stuff here.

Skate Fast! Thrash Fast!

Useless Wooden Toys hail from Mpls, MN. and play some raging, duel vocal hardcore thrash/smith grind about skating, moshing, and not taking shit so damn seriously all the fucking time. Disrobe are from Chicago. They share members with the Rat Bastards, and sound fairly similar, only faster. I'm just not in the mood for a proper write-up at the moment, so just DL this already.

DAGGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (DL)

(Sadly, Chris Johnson, one of the vocalists from UWT was killed one year and a week ago today at a party by some rotten piece of shit. Even though I didn't know him that well, I can honestly say that this was a tremendous loss. My heart goes out to Ryan, Steve, Cookie, and Chris. Thanks for playing in my basement way back when, and I hope you guys continue to skate and thrash with a fervor as yet unknown.)

Get out of your chairs. Stop playing your little pool games.

Do you like Anal Cunt? You do? Shit, I'm sorry. I mean, I guess they can be kind of funny. But wouldn't it be awesome if they had way more talent, and Seth wasn't a racist fuck (I base this racist accusation purely on rumor and speculation, because wikipedia is always right). Well, if you've ever felt like that, I have got a blowjob of a grindcore album for you. 7000 Dying Rats is mostly a recording project, involving a great number of people from a great many bands. According to the sheet that came with the record, 24 people are in the band. The only members I know of as being full time are Tony Vast-Binder and Steve Rathbone. The rest are a revolving door of contributors. While I have the vinyl, I don't have the ability to post it here at this time, so you're getting the CD version. The 12" has 17 tracks, the CD has "99", though tracks 35-98 are bogus. Unfortunately, I can't find track #99 on my computer, sorry. If anyone has it, and they want to send it my way, I'll fix it. It seems like they have alternate versions between the two formats, as well. Personally, I like the vinyl, but I guess you're getting twice as many tracks this way. I'm not real big on grind. In my opinion, there's just not enough originality and skill involved. But these guys actually have quite a bit of technical prowess, and there's enough anachronisms in their style on this album to keep things very interesting. Tracks jump between genres like a cheap hooker jumps between johns. Grind, punk, jazz, country, funk, ambient techno, noise and more. I'm not terribly knowledgeable about the grindcore scene, so the closest comparison I can make is Crom. There's a bit of info about them on their myspace here but it looks like their website disappeared in the last couple of months. Like most great albums, it sounds best about one decibel above the pain threshold of the human ear. Thanks to the Pope for helping me find a copy of the Derek Hess cover art. Until next time...


DLLink