"Wear something sexy and meet me at midnight."

[Originally, in this space, I had just listed every naughty word or phrase that I could come up with at two in the morning. It was a pretty long list. Then I realized that the spike in the amount of unwanted traffic/trolls my misanthropic little blahg would suddenly experience could be very annoying. So the dirty talk will just have to stay between me and the cat. This is a compilation of songs about horizontal action, or "doin' it." I like to talk about fucking and getting high, because if I am an expert at doing two things, it is fucking and getting high. Ok, maybe not an expert, per se. But, unlike Ian McKaye, "at least I fucking tried!" I already covered the subject of "Drugs" over at iLLcON, so here I am giving you, "Sex." Not literally, of course. That would not be enjoyable for either of us, seeing as how I finally got both my tentacle surgery, and my marsupial pouch (photos soon). As Burroughs said, "we see god through our assholes in the flashbulb of orgasm." Your girlfriend will hate this because it reminds her of how inadequate you are in the sack. Also, she will shave her head and grow her armpit hair. You're going to be eating hair pie, and that's if you're lucky. I still can't figure out how to get the tracks in the order I want, which pisses me off because I grew up in the age of actual "mixtapes." Lovingly crafted, handmade pieces of art, which were way more intimate and meaningful than this blogging business will ever get. You were gonna masturbate in twenty minutes anyway, why not let this compilation set the pace. I'm off to youjizz, myself, as soon as I finish these nachos. Love you. - RyGar]

download smut (DL)

"I Can't, I Can't, I Can't Cum!"

Why do I love the sound of angry women so much? You would think I'd have had enough of all of their shouting by now. Between my six sisters, my mom, and all of the grrls who were damaged enough to deign me suitable boyfriend material, I've heard enough raised female voices to fill a whole hard drive. Why then am I such a sucker for the female vocalist in abrasive music? Possibly it is the juxtaposition of the typically 'male' traits of violence and anger in the lyrics and attitudes of these wholly feminine creatures. It could be that I've just grown accustomed to the sound. Has it become a need? Maybe I'm such a dick because I want to hear the cracking of a petulant woman's voice as she struggles to tattoo her message into my thick skull with her screams. Who knows? I don't, but thus is my burden. Regardless, here's my favorite Bikini Kill release. I don't think I need to give any of you a lesson on the bands history or importance. Washington state, Kill Rock Stars, Riot Grrrl movement, etc. All of that is well documented, and I don't mean to slight the significance of it, but... Well, but, I will. It's all well and great and life-changing if you are a teenage grrl. I don't know if I get many of those around the 'Wave. Even if I do, I'm hardly an authority on the subject. The important thing here is that you give "Pussy Whipped" a listen for it's sheer, punk-simple, unadulterated ugliness. It's been a favorite of mine since '95, and I hope you can dig it, too. Emasculation is such a nice word, don't ya think?

"They want to use my blood, to color their perfume." (DL)