"Bloated on Mammalian Flesh"

IllCon Illuminati. This 6 song Apocryphon disc was discovered in a cave located outside modern day Afghanistan by Ancient Astronaut Theorist, Giorgio A. Tsoukalos. Nearby were a pile of post-Cretaceous period fossils and humanoid remains. Tsoukalos has speculated that "The demented tones contained within this recording were probably made by aliens, maybe. It definitely is advanced technology, and the square shape of the wooden container leads me to believe that it was manufactured by extra-terrestrials, because aliens like four sided things. Like the pyramids. Totally aliens. Probably." Other "experts"

Expert.

have agreed that the guitar-shreddery is definitely super-human, and the vocals far too disgusting to be created by human vocal organs. The thunderous cacophony of the drums call to mind the hideous rites performed by the Tcho-tcho peoples, as captured in field recordings by noted Occult Scientist, Obed Marsh (RIP). [Also, there is some killer bass playing. However, this is a metal record, so we're just gonna ignore it. - Ed.] According to legend, the Tcho-tchos descended from a race of dwarfs known as the Miri Nigri, who in turn were created from the flesh of prehistoric reptiles. The Tcho-tchos indulged in an unknown hallucinogenic compound during their worship of the Great Old One, Hastur. Ceremonies involved orgiastic frenzy and human and animal sacrifices. Expert Theorists have speculated that Apocryphon was one such cult of The Unspeakable One. To listen to this recording may cause one to become possessed by Hastur. In that event, one's bones become gelatinous, the skin turns to scales, and they will become the embodiment of entropy. I highly recommend it.

Mortals bow before your masters (DL)

Give them some money for stuff here.

"The Luckless Lands of the North."

Shelby's post about Finnish metal over at Illogical Contraption a little while ago really stroked my shaft. Uh, musically, that is. I did however notice one glaring omission, which I can only attribute to the overwhelming obviousness of it's inclusion in the canon: Amorphis was left completely out of the discussion. Along with Cannibal Corpse and Deicide, Amorphis was one of the first DM bands to defile and corrupt my teenage mind. Or, more likely, they satisfied demented adolescent longings which had been theretofore repressed and dormant. After all, teenage boys don't spend much time worrying about things outside of sex, death, and self-gratification. Unlike their 'merican counterparts, who relied on speed, over the top gore, and cartoonish Satan-worship; Amorphis relied on a much more grandiose, melodic formula. Much like their neighbors in the Norwegian Black Metal scene which was at this time taking it's first iconoclastic steps, Amorphis chose to forge their Metal on the coals of their cultural history. This album, in particular reflects themes of national identity, as it is based on The Kalevala, The Epic Poem of Finland. So, as you might expect, if one wanted to describe the sound and themes of "Tales From The Thousand Lakes", the adjective "epic" might be more appropriate here than almost anywhere else. This is Finnish Metal in its purest form. Amorphis is still going, and I hate to be the "I only like their old stuff" guy, but this song off their newest one sounds like that awful HIM band that all the mall kids were so excited about a few years ago. Bad, but at least Amorphis gets credit for being wimpy first, and pioneering that sound. As a general guide, any Amorphis release with this logo:
= probably really good.
If it has a variation of this logo:
= probably not so good.
At least they made it convenient.

"From the Land of the Sky Blue Water - Amorphis, The Metal Refreshing." (DL)

(On an interesting side note, I found this map showing people of Finnish descent in America. Not, surprisingly, they are all here in Minnesota, "Land of 10,000 Lakes." Also the word "Tundra" is of Finnish origin. "Frozen Tundra" is my favorite way to describe Minnesota.)

Viva la Raza! Ay-hy-hy-hyyyeeeeeee!

Yo no hablo realmente español. Escribo a máquina todo esto en un traductor libre, así que su atado para estar lleno de errores.

Brujeria ha sido alrededor desde que 1989. ¡Eso es veinte años de brutal, violento, el odio llenó metal! Bastante una proeza, yo diría. Ellos han tenido a miembros de cien otras bandas significativas en su formación en algún punto, (verifica esta página) todo jugar bajo aliases. Cuándo yo fui un adolescente, yo siempre pensé que estos petimetres fueron para verdadero. De hecho, muchas personas han reclamado que en un punto, la banda estuvo bajo investigación por el gobierno norteamericano. ¿Mí? Quiero sumergirme justo en su mundo de trafico de drogas de droga, del asesinato, y de otros crímenes y jugar adelante. ¿Mata a algunos blancos? ¿Pasa de contrabando droga a través de la frontera? Sí, BIEN. ¿Por qué no? Tengo todavía mas verles viven. Tengo miedo de algún cholo sin detalles que no tiene la menor idea que esta banda es para propósitos de entretenimiento sólo. Qué es yendo a hacer, mostrarle mi licencia con mi apellido: ¿Garcia, y espera él tiene la convicción de que yo no tengo suficiente sangre caucásica para equivocarse para un republicano?

Brujeria - The Mexecutioner! - The Best of Brujeria