"The Luckless Lands of the North."

Shelby's post about Finnish metal over at Illogical Contraption a little while ago really stroked my shaft. Uh, musically, that is. I did however notice one glaring omission, which I can only attribute to the overwhelming obviousness of it's inclusion in the canon: Amorphis was left completely out of the discussion. Along with Cannibal Corpse and Deicide, Amorphis was one of the first DM bands to defile and corrupt my teenage mind. Or, more likely, they satisfied demented adolescent longings which had been theretofore repressed and dormant. After all, teenage boys don't spend much time worrying about things outside of sex, death, and self-gratification. Unlike their 'merican counterparts, who relied on speed, over the top gore, and cartoonish Satan-worship; Amorphis relied on a much more grandiose, melodic formula. Much like their neighbors in the Norwegian Black Metal scene which was at this time taking it's first iconoclastic steps, Amorphis chose to forge their Metal on the coals of their cultural history. This album, in particular reflects themes of national identity, as it is based on The Kalevala, The Epic Poem of Finland. So, as you might expect, if one wanted to describe the sound and themes of "Tales From The Thousand Lakes", the adjective "epic" might be more appropriate here than almost anywhere else. This is Finnish Metal in its purest form. Amorphis is still going, and I hate to be the "I only like their old stuff" guy, but this song off their newest one sounds like that awful HIM band that all the mall kids were so excited about a few years ago. Bad, but at least Amorphis gets credit for being wimpy first, and pioneering that sound. As a general guide, any Amorphis release with this logo:
= probably really good.
If it has a variation of this logo:
= probably not so good.
At least they made it convenient.

"From the Land of the Sky Blue Water - Amorphis, The Metal Refreshing." (DL)

(On an interesting side note, I found this map showing people of Finnish descent in America. Not, surprisingly, they are all here in Minnesota, "Land of 10,000 Lakes." Also the word "Tundra" is of Finnish origin. "Frozen Tundra" is my favorite way to describe Minnesota.)

"I Can't, I Can't, I Can't Cum!"

Why do I love the sound of angry women so much? You would think I'd have had enough of all of their shouting by now. Between my six sisters, my mom, and all of the grrls who were damaged enough to deign me suitable boyfriend material, I've heard enough raised female voices to fill a whole hard drive. Why then am I such a sucker for the female vocalist in abrasive music? Possibly it is the juxtaposition of the typically 'male' traits of violence and anger in the lyrics and attitudes of these wholly feminine creatures. It could be that I've just grown accustomed to the sound. Has it become a need? Maybe I'm such a dick because I want to hear the cracking of a petulant woman's voice as she struggles to tattoo her message into my thick skull with her screams. Who knows? I don't, but thus is my burden. Regardless, here's my favorite Bikini Kill release. I don't think I need to give any of you a lesson on the bands history or importance. Washington state, Kill Rock Stars, Riot Grrrl movement, etc. All of that is well documented, and I don't mean to slight the significance of it, but... Well, but, I will. It's all well and great and life-changing if you are a teenage grrl. I don't know if I get many of those around the 'Wave. Even if I do, I'm hardly an authority on the subject. The important thing here is that you give "Pussy Whipped" a listen for it's sheer, punk-simple, unadulterated ugliness. It's been a favorite of mine since '95, and I hope you can dig it, too. Emasculation is such a nice word, don't ya think?

"They want to use my blood, to color their perfume." (DL)

"Burn to the Fucking Ground L.A. / Whitey's Gonna Pay"

San Jose was a fun city to grow up in. I know some people from larger Bay Area cities like to shit all over it, but fuck those dudes. The skate scene was, and is, one of the most creative and fertile ones in the country. Just watch the Enjoi "Bag of Suck" video if you don't believe me. They've also had a great music scene (though lacking in equally great venues) over the years. "Bike for Beers" is an annual underground party where they get about five houses, each with a keg and a band or two, around the downtown area. You start mid-afternoon, and rage/bike till the wee morning hours. The cops are actually pretty chill about it, and usually just stand guard at the front in case of fights or other destructive jackassery. After one of the Bike for Beers, I got to hang out with Dean from Stinky Feet Records at his apt. on Pearl Ave (He's since moved, and I didn't know him well enough to know what he's up to these days. If you know, I'd love to hear.)That's his bathroom the dude is sitting in on the cover. The walls were covered in losing scratch-off lottery tickets. He had an amazing record collection (from which he gave me several items that he had duplicates of), every MST3K episode on tape, and was always down to hang out and drink and talk about punk rock. Dean was a good guy. He was also in at least two kick-ass bands: Idiot Bitch and Preachers That Lied. Today, I'm posting the Idiot Bitch "Loser" 7" for your consideration. Male and female vocals, a little melodic, and fairly intelligent in the lyrics dept.
[I apologize for the quality of the rip, I really tried to clean it up without affecting the sound quality of the music. A couple pops in some tracks,still.]

"The Ayatollah of Rock n' Roll-a"

I saw my reflection in that dirty yellow water...

This is an album that was on constant rotation for a good six years of my life. There isn't a whole lot of info on the web about these guys,other than passing references. All I know is that The Piss Drunks put out two really good albums before breaking up and that they were from Seattle. The quality on Urine Idiot is a bit suspect, but the song writing makes up for that in spades. Straight up punk rock, here, with just a hint of blues. I believe this was put out by Ransom Note Records in 1995. Urine Idiot captures the feeling of drinking, puking, and drinking again as well as any Bukowski poem. Oh, don't confuse this band with the skate crew "The Piss Drunx", that Greco, Dollin, and Reynolds were affiliated with, they had nothing at all to do with this.Their other release, "Alocoholocaust" will probably be posted here sometime soon. It's time for beers.

Black Label Me